“Every act of conscious learning requires the willingness to suffer an injury to one’s self-esteem. That is why young children, before they are aware of their own self-importance, learn so easily.” - Thomas Szasz

Self-esteem is one thing. Self-importance is quite another. Unless self-esteem is balanced with a true sense of humility, it becomes self-importance. Self-esteem is essential to successful living. Self-importance is anathema to personal growth.

Self-esteem is character driven; self-importance is a creature of the ego. Self-esteem is the natural outcome of strong character traits that comes with personal growth and maturity.

In order to acquire self-esteem it is essential that a person understands and appreciates his uniqueness. That he is mature enough to understand that self-esteem and self-worth are defined by who the person is and not by what he owns or by what place he occupies in society.

Self-esteem is above all self-acceptance. In essence, it means feeling that we are acting with integrity and directed by our values. It is understanding that self-esteem is not imposed by society. That it is self-acquired and self-imposed. And that it has nothing to do with appearance, social status or financial conditions.

With self-esteem come self-confidence and the ability to act. With it, criticism can be accepted objectively, evaluated and either be disregarded or used as a learning tool. And, finally, with self-esteem, doubts in one’s abilities are reduced to a minimum and objectivity rules.

On the other hand, self-importance is an ego created useless piece of excess baggage that doesn’t fool anyone except its beholder. Self-importance denotes more fragility than power. Rather than inciting respect, it invites ridicule.

Really important people are oblivious of the fact that they are important. They don’t have the need to wear the appellation on their lapel. It is like the color of they eyes; something that is visible from the outside but remains unnoticeable from the inside.

If fact, it would be justified to say that most people who are trying to acquire a sense of self-importance and actually striving for self-esteem. The problem is that they are misguided in their efforts. Self-esteem cannot be acquired by lording over the mass. It can only be acquired by mastering self.

Self-esteem is self-approval. It is accepting self and viewing personal limitations as opportunities for personal growth rather than character flaws. We are all work in progress. Our past does not equate our future. Our past mistakes were learning experiences, not self-defining incidents.

A solid dose of self-esteem is one of life’s most precious possessions. Without it, a rich man is a pauper, with it; even a pawn is a king. Some were blessed with the gift; others have to work to obtain it. Not always an easy task.

The quest for self-esteem has been called the ultimate seduction. So called because once achieved, we can never be alone again. Forever and ever we’ll be with the best friend that we could ever have, ourselves.

Dr. Raymond Comeau aka Shamou is the Author of ShamouBlog and Owner Administrator of Personal Development for Personal Success Forums.

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